Are you the hater?

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

James 4:1-4

I had an interesting conversation last week with a dear friend. It centered on people that elicited a negative response and a reaction from us. I stated, I think sometimes people trigger us because it reminds us of something we don’t like about ourselves. Or we think someone’s else shouldn’t do something because we “never” would. It got me to think about certain individuals who just rub me the wrong way. Now I don’t mean people that are homophobic, transphobic or racist because….that’s a whole other topic. But literally someone wearing something you would never wear or being comfortable in their skin in a way you think isn’t right because they don’t behave or look a certain way… I mean those type of people. Why does their happiness and freedom annoy you?

While engaged in my quiet time I ran across the verse from James 4, one I’ve read a few times. This morning it just stopped me in my tracks. I realized there are two people that I have been judging and didn’t realize I was…in fact, it was revealed that it might be from a source of jealousy 😳 no, not me! Not women encouraging, sister soldering me?? Yes, even me. I’m human. I didn’t see it as hating or jealousy at first, but when I analyzed deeper the why behind my thoughts and feelings it became more and more apparent.

So, I decided to ask a series of questions-

  1. Why do I feel the need to have a comment about their life? Even if it’s only internal, what is the purpose behind that?
  2. Are they doing something I really want to do, but am too afraid to try?
  3. How can I own and celebrate my own freedom more openly?
  4. How can I be more kind to myself and what does my kindness manifest for others?

The next time a negative feeling arises from an interaction with someone else examine the why. You might have true legitimate reasons or like me you may find that you’ve over stepped just a tad.

Healing & Growth


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