God forgives…. I Don’t

How many times have you heard the phrase: ” God forgives, but I don’t”? I’ve heard it a few times and it always makes me snicker a bit. Because it is so sarcastic. And…sarcasm is my second language, officially.

In all honesty, this (forgiveness) is something God is really dealing with me about. I’ve been getting a Word from God about releasing. September was utilized to focus on healing self. Focusing on making sure that I took time out to focus on my needs, which is important. Now the focus is making sure my spiritual life is aligned with what I’m feeling the Spirit guide me to. That alignment is centered on forgiveness.

October 4, I start a self-compassion and self-forgiveness seven-day journey. Before I work internally, I’m ensuring that my external life mirrors the work that I’m about to engage in. In order to know how to forgive myself I also have to know how to forgive others; this is a recepricoal relationship. Forgiveness begets more forgiveness.

I had an incident come up where a person I had not talked to (purposely) for years kept coming up in conversation. I found myself becoming more and more agitated as time went on. I thought it was because of the behavior of this person towards someone I care about. After deeper examination, I realized that I had let a bitter seed fester. I have resentment towards this individual and I wasn’t even aware of the resentment. Rejection hurts, for so many of us we use poor coping skills to deal with the truly vulnerable emotion/feeling of isolation or hurt. So instead, it becomes a “I’ll get you” before “you get me” scenario… When I don’t know if this person is even thinking of me. But it was comforting for me to also act coldly towards them. Here’s the thing, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation and honestly, it shouldn’t. Some situations/people are so toxic it would never be God’s best for us to engage them any more. With that being said…we also need to release them spiritually as well. Resentment,bitterness and anger are all teethers to the person we want so desperately to get away from.

The only way to truly be free…is to release them from owing you. Wanting someone to pay for their “crimes” ends up owning you for the duration of your wait. It weighs us down. It doesn’t absolve them of consequences ( I believe in someone who does harm facing consequences), but it stops you from trying to figure out how God should do it. True release is to let whatever happen, happen and not replaying all the things you want to happen.

Be forgiven and be forgiving

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