Happy Holiday Season,

I don’t know how 2022 treated you this year. I don’t know if she was kind and treated you with kid gloves or if she kept giving you gut punches off and on like a MMA fighter. Regardless of the way you were treated just know it wasn’t meant to destroy you. It may have felt like it. It may have even seemed like it, but here you are….still here. You may be bent a little lower- you may be a bit more skeptical of your position but you are still here.
I’ll be honest after 2020, I really felt (arrogantly)  God owed me some ease. I lost so much in 2020, so, so much. I just knew that it would be another lifetime before things got that hard again…. And God said aht aht aht. I was frustrated at what felt like every angle this year. I’ve had so many hard conversations. I’ve had to let people go and I’ve had to let people let me go. I’ve cried more this year.
..I’ve lost hope a lot. That’s hard to write as a person who has the mission of eradicating the “Superwoman Complex”, but they would indeed be me being the Superwoman if I wasn’t honest.
I’ve had to lean into God’s promises a lot this year and honestly I’m still waiting on some of them to be fulfilled. And that’s ok. It’s ok to not have everything that you put on your vision board to come together just as you envisioned. It takes a little bit of audacity to continue to dream and hope in this world. My hope is the audacity IS still there for you. Maybe some of your goals and aspirations will be manifested in a seed you plant in someone else…who knows? But I believe the fire you’ve endured was meant to refine you and not destroy you.
This song really spoke to me about my season.

Cheers to getting 2022 on outta here,

Renee`

Happy post-Thanksgiving! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and even if you don’t celebrate the holiday I hope you were able to rest. During this time, I have been heavy in reflective mode. I have been really attempting to be still and to pray to seek God’s guidance. This has been a season of great emotional growth (which usually comes from some real pain).

This lead me to read II Chronicles 29:12- II Chronicles 31. Essentially Hezekiah becomes king and gets everyone to turn back to worshipping God. He tears down the altars to other gods and begins to restore the temple. He also gets everyone to repent and ask God to heal and forgive them-which God does. The very next chapter talks about how after the consecration and rededication-Judah is threaten with attack from the Assyrian King Sennacherib (Sin has replaced my brothers). While reading I was very perplexed-like God they turned away from their wrong ways. Why would He allow that to happen? As I kept reading, Sennacherib sent a messenger to taunt them, even in Hebrew-stating that no other god had saved anyone else and that their army would destroy God’s people. Instead- an angel comes and destroys the entire army and Sennacherib is killed by his own children. Sounds super dark- but it told me that everything is for God’s glory-even when it doesn’t make sense to us. The way the army was destroyed there was no doubting that it was God.

Sometimes as “smart” as I am and educated I can forget how God has done things in a way that I never imagined. Doors that were open or closed just in time. There was a time in which my family lost everything. It was a really stressful time, but when God restored it was amazing and done in away that only He could have done it.

As I move closer to 40, one of the things I am trying to learn how not lean into my own understanding

How are you moving in a way to let go and let God?

How do you use your GPS? Are you one of those people that have the map pulled up and you follow along? Do you pull up the directions and read them for yourself? Or do you just let the voice guide you to your destination? Me-I am a read the directions kind of girl. I have severe trust issues with technology and always feel like I need to see exactly where I am going. I don’t trust just listening to the voice. What if I miss my turn? What if three miles down the road no one lets me over and I miss my turn? I am unsure why I have so much anxiety about missing my turn. Maybe it’s because I am a 1 on the enneagram and need things to be a certain way.

Whatever the reason, I tend to live my life that way as well. I work really hard to check and recheck myself. So I always feel like I have the “right” why of doing something. While I do believe there are certain aspects that should always be followed-there are times the area can be gray. I have really rigid beliefs some times and I have to remind myself to relax. Things will happen when they are supposed to. And some times things are time bound and that can’t be changed. Ask a mother who is anxiously awaiting her baby that final month. No matter how much walking-how many jalapenos you eat or how many railroad track you drive over-the baby will come when the baby wants to come. So will various opportunities. And just like the mother who has the nursery painted and crib ready, you too should prepare for whatever comes your way. When you’re prepared the opportunities will sometimes find you.

Happy November Pivoter!

October had some where to be and went there. I am telling November to come on in, sit down and don’t touch anything! LOL But seriously October was hard. It ushered in some really odd feelings. Feelings of feeling behind. I have always prided myself on my work, on doing the work-the first one in and the last one to leave. Even looking at those who did not with disdain. I remember six months after leaving a job a former co-worker told me the “new” me- the young lady who took my position was nothing like me. She did not do all the things I did to help keep the ship running in top shape. I took pride in the “compliment” at the time, but now I wish I could apologize to the young lady that came after me. Sis, do your job and go home. Because despite all the extra that I did-I was never offered a raise and when I advocated for another position that could possibly pay more I was denied. The work I did to make sure things looked and flowed well-did not change a single dime in my bank account. Now, I believe in passion projects but I also believe in being able to eat. Doing the work I do should not mean that I can receive the same government benefits of those I am serving. It means we are both underpaid and overworked.

I recently tried to make some shifts and thought I had some really great opportunities on the rise-when none of those opportunities materialized I took it really hard. All the hard work, all the lower paying jobs I took in order to “gain experience needed for the field”, did not open up any new doors. Baby-I was dismayed and disillusioned! I felt bamboozled! I also was really hurt because being the best was my whole identity. But being the best means I am comparing myself to some outside entity. I wasn’t trying to be the best version of me-I wanted to be the best, period. That caused some really unhealthy boundaries and goals that were not based on what I felt God telling me to do.

My five year old came to me on Monday with a challenge. He said he is not going to play on his phone, tablet or Switch for the next three weeks. Instead he wants to do other activities (ride his bike, paint, play board games etc.). I told him I would join him. So for three weeks I am off social media. what does this have to do with what I said in the first two paragraphs-well, it’s simple, when you unplug you gain clarity. When you unplug you begin to hear and see things clearer. I felt very sure in my quiet time that this is my season of being still. I’ve been hustling and bustling so much that I can’t even hear God’s voice. Everything seems so important and I feel always like the proverbial horse chasing the carrot on the stick.

I want to encourage you to take some time away. Even if it’s just half a day to sit and be with your own thoughts. Sit and reflect on what God is calling you from and what He is calling you into.

Pivot with purpose,

Renee`

Happy Day Pivoter!

It’s been a month since my last entry, but I have been doing the work while I was away. I have implemented more breaks throughout my day and I have been more intentional with my self-compassion journey. I tend to lean more into negative self-talk, because I grew up always moving onto the next thing and not celebrating the current accomplishment. That meant a long journey of comparisons and all kind of spirals of negative self-talk. What I did was just “ok” even if it took leaps and bounds for me to make the accomplishment.

How does this relate to you?

I don’t care if it took you 6 years to get a “four” year degree. Or 15 years to get out of a dead-end relationship. Celebrate that you did it! If there is breath in your body-you have time to make something happen. The Bible says:

Psalm 90

¹² Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

New International Version

We don’t have unlimited days on this planet-our days are numbered. It does us no good lamenting the “woulda”, “shoulda” , “couldas” of our lives. Yes, learn from the past so we don’t repeat it., but don’t carry guilt and grief with you. Free yourself. God loves you. God loves me. Even if I have made a mistake 17172827273939 times- He is still hear guiding me and calling me higher. The same is true for you.

Today, take time out to bask in God’s love. Say aloud I am God’s Masterpiece (this is my son :Lennon’s favorite morning affirmation). God seeks to lavish His love on me daily. God will bestow the wisdom I need for this day. Use any affirmation that reminds you-that you are dearly loved and sought after. Someone literally died to have a relationship with you.

Pivot with Purpose,

Renee`

Happy Monday!

I hope your weekend was amazing! Mine was amazing, I was able to host my third event called A Seat at the Table: Winning Season through Yes I Have a Therapist. Yes, I Have a Therapist, a wellness agency I co-founded with my best friend to talk openly about mental health in the black community. It was well attended and received and it was a dream manifested. I had some doubts a few weeks leading up to the event. Things were just not clicking and I also knew this event would put me face-to-face with a past wound and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do all of that in one day. But God…God knows that we have to be in uncomfortable situations to grow. A little background on me, I was raised to not show a lot of emotion-I was raised to have very strict boundaries and for a huge portion of my life probably 25-27 years I lived like that; Having associations but nothing soul altering.

As I started to grow up spiritually and emotionally, I realized that this was a trauma response. I need people, I need love and in order to do that… you have to be vulnerable. Vulnerability with wisdom is the key. I began to grow and really make connections. When suddenly a connection was severed. I never knew why but I was completely cut out of someone’s life. I thought about reaching out, but I also wanted to respect their new boundary. As someone who was a notorious ghoster in the past, I understand that not everyone deserves answers- so I didn’t seek any. I also didn’t hold onto a grudge either- which was huge for me, because along with those strict boundaries I used to wish ill on anyone who had every done me wrong-no matter how big or small.

This weekend, I got a chance to really see my growth and I realized no matter how good or kind I try to be to someone I am the villain. There are people in the past that the title is probably warranted, I know I have not always been about wellness and healing and I was unwell myself. I was toxic even if I didn’t mean to be. In this situation, I don’t believe that to be the case, but (shrugs) could be- I’ll never know. And honestly at this point- I don’t need to carry that care with me. I released it and it felt both bad and good. It reminded me of the song The Key by Tems, here’s a lyric that meant alot to me:

So let me beat your pain
When the dark is closing in
See they want to love you now
When they tried to take you down
We’ll be flying off the ground
When the world is going out
When the earth is falling in

Tems- The Key

People will try to take down your energy, your focus and you have to get back to the basics. As long as you are not intentionally causing harm and attempt to make amends whether your harm was intentional or not-sleep well, keep your head up and keep focused on your purpose. I will also not create community with anyone who disrespects me- it makes/puts me in an unsafe space. While I am glad for my growth I will not continue to allow disrespect. Disrespect is a choice.

Sometimes pivoting includes you pivoting your expectations and focusing back on yourself.

Pivot with Intentionality,

Renee`

Oh hello, it’s me again. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve last blogged and let me tell you something. Being an entrepreneur is not for the weak or the faint of heart. I am literally thinking what the (insert explicit) is happening LOL. tell a friend to tell a friend-she’s back.

But seriously, even going after your dreams will feel like work. You will have to work to make the dream a reality. It is not always pretty, it is not all the Instagram reels. There will be long days and short nights, but it will all be worth it. I have some new things on the horizon and I can’t wait to share them with you.

This is update is just for my accountability, to make sure I am documenting the journey.

Let’s pivot together!

“You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away” (James 4:14).

I was recently watching a movie on Netflix called Long Story Short, essentially (without giving too many spoilers away) a man begins to experience life in a sped up manner. What is a few hours for him is years for those around him. He misses out on important milestones and even experiences a heartbreaking loss. Before the alteration of his life, he procrastinated on every single moment of his life. Worrying that it just wasn’t the right time. I’ve been guilty of this sentiment, more times than I would like to admit.

When COVID first hit, I was amazed at how many things I had taken for granted-a simple hug, talking to someone and seeing their full-face, eating around strangers at a restaurant. I promised myself I would make the most out of life…and then life started to settle down a bit. Those lofty dreams-seemed even more lofty, almost a bit irresponsible. Fear settled in on my couch and I passed her a blanket to sleepover.

Been there?

It’s so easy to feel the exuberant high of starting to make a change in your life…and then life happens and you get sidetracked. A day turns in to weeks, which turns into months and now we are two years post COVID exposure and life is almost back to the new normal. We know we are forever changed by the experience, but in what ways?.

Vannorsdall, states that depression and anxiety are on the rise and ebb and flow with rising and falling COVID infection rates. As much as we want to just get back to normal we can’t. As much as we want to act like we are grabbing life by the horns many of us have settled back to the quiet stability of just being.

While I advocate for self-care, I also advocate for self-awareness. Pay attention to your season, is this truly a season of rest or is this a season to move forward with the deferred dream. Only you know that answer.

Write out your thoughts and feelings of where you are and where you want to be. Take small intentional steps to move forward. Be honesty about how you’re feeling during the process.

Pivot with purpose,

Renee`

Hello Pivoters!

I am back with another tip on honoring yourself. In my last entry, I talked a bit about the revelation I received regarding how I had dishonored my true self and God-given intentions. This was a huge revelation, because sometimes we don’t know why we are feeling a soul ache until we really dig deep. For me, I’ve really been conditioned to be a caretaker and while this brings me great joy-it can also cause great imbalance in my life. Boundaries are vitally important in learning how to take care of yourself and when you grow up a caretaker that feeling of “letting someone down” is worse than running yourself into the ground. Having unrealistic goals and objectives can also lead you down a slipper slope of depression and despair.

So, how do you begin to forgive yourself? The first step is to acknowledge where you currently are and how you got there. Realizing that some of my current circumstances were due to decisions I made was initially very painful. I pride myself on having really good discernment, which is true, but I’ve been known to disregard that gnawing feeling to accommodate others. In the end, what I felt would happen-happens and I’m left doubly disappointed (in self and the circumstances). So, I had to apologize to myself for not trusting myself (sounds weird, I know), but just acknowledging that I know more than I think I do was powerful.

When you grow up in some instability it can be hard to trust yourself, or when people openly treat you like you can’t make good decisions you begin to believe you need others to validate what you want to do. While, I think having counsel is important, ultimately you have to be the one to stand by whatever decision it is for you to make. As I am beginning to own that one of my gifts is discernment, I can lean more heavily into who God created me to be and honor her. Honor the woman that was given a gift and hid it to appease others.

Move With Intention,

Renee`

Well hello there, I missed last week, but I am coming at you with some hot fiya today…do people still say that? I don’t think they do, but I’m almost 40 so…who’s gonna check me?

For the month of August, I decided to join a 5 am prayer challenge…and the 5am part has been the challenge LOL, but in all seriousness that time in the prayer closet has brought up so many things that I don’t normally take the time out to consider.

Remember who you are….

Have you ever thought that the truest form of who you were meant to be was established when you were younger? I’ve been thinking about that alot lately, more so because I feel like while growing up we have such clear vision of who we are. We may not know exactly how to get to all those places that we dream of, but we do dream and it seems like so much potential is in front of us. As we age, I feel like we begin to feel like our options dwindle (and maybe that’s because we live in a youth focused society), but that really fell on me today while praying.

The topic of the devotional today was on identity. Which, ironically I made a new podcast on that yesterday evening (listen here). When I started thinking about the compromises I have made in my life (some necessary and some out of fear), I saw how I dishonored my true self. The self, that knew what she really wanted, but feared really moving forward. Let’s be honest, life can knock you down and humble you quick. So how do you heal spaces that you broke. We can break ourselves by not honoring what we know to be true. We break ourselves by trying to mold ourselves into a version that isn’t true. Over the next few entries, I’ll share how I am healing those broken space. The first step is forgiveness.

Pivot With Purpose,

Renee`